How to Get Over a Breakup
Hello loves! Today’s new edition to “mind” is going to be about break ups. More specifically, how to move on from a breakup. Breakups are not exclusive to romantic relationships: some of the most painful break ups happen between friends. Often times, losing someone you love is painful no matter the circumstance. I’ve been through the loss of so many great people that I considered to be endgame, and through all of that I have given and received so much incredible advice, so I am going to share a snippet with you.
Have you ever literally felt your heart break? You aren’t crazy!
As explained in the New York Times, "A signal is sent through the vagus nerve from our brain to our heart and stomach. The muscles of our digestive system contract, making it feel as if there’s a pit in the deepest part of our stomach. Our airways constrict, making it harder to breathe. The rhythmic beating of our heart is slowed so noticeably that it feels, literally, like our heart is breaking."
KNOW THAT IT ISN’T YOUR FAULT
It’s not about some magical formula or a mantra. It’s about identifying the love that you DO have, the good that IS there, however small or seemingly insignificant it is. It’s about holding onto that for dear life and realizing if you’re going to let anything define your worth, you better allow THAT to define it instead of the lack. - Post Male Syndrome
CUT COMMUNICATION
To be blunt, when someone dumps you, its usually because..well..they no longer want to be with you. While that is painful, it’s life. You should know that you are worth more than someone who can find it in themselves to walk away from you. Not only will cutting contact help you move on, but it will allow you to be more available to the people who are available to you. They asked for a life without you, give that to them. Someone who loves you does not put themselves in the position to lose you. Let them leave. Let them go.
ACCEPT THE TRUTH & KNOW CLOSURE IS A MYTH
”I’m just gonna meet with him because I need closure.” Closure is not meeting up to chat about why they’re leaving you. Closure is not using the person causing your wound as a band-aid. Closure sure as hell isn’t begging him to come back, or saying “we can make it work”.
Closure happens right when you accept that letting go and moving on is more important than projecting a fantasy of what that relationship could have been.
“bUt I sTilL LoVe hIM”
Moving on isn’t about not loving someone anymore, moving on is saying “I love you, but you aren’t worth this pain anymore.” Listen, you cannot control your feelings or who you fall for.
You may not be able to control your feelings, but you can control your actions.
You can’t control missing that person, that’s a feeling, but running back to them and begging them to come back? Action. Texting them? Action. Talking shit to his friends about how he was a terrible boyfriend anyways? Action. Checking up on him? Action. Stalking his instagram? Action. Your heart is controlled by your brain. The heart does not beat without the brain’s permission.
If your actions say “I want to move on,” your feelings will follow.
Stay Away from Social Media
This is where a lot of girl’s fall short of their desires to move on. If you block him, he’ll want to know why, and he’ll see how much you care. If you unfollow him, you’ll find another way to see his posts, and then you’ll be exerting extra energy into stalking his ig on a friend’s phone. If you mute him, you’ll constantly check his profile. My advice: stay off of social media altogether at the beginning. Focus on the things in your REAL life that matter. Which brings me to my final point:
Focus on Yourself
Get a job, start a new work out class, spend time with your family and friends, get in the bath and do a face mask. Develop a busy, yet productive schedule. Nothing will be more painful to him than seeing you grow and thrive without him.